suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
