beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
It's official drugs can't kill me
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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