Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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