What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
