At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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