Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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