doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
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