I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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