if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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