your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize