my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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