When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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