Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
