And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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