can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize