god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
