If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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