That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
