she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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