turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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