Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize