Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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