I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
