it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
