mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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