i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
