I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
