I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
