I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
