Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
