i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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