How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
barbara walters just said penis...
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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