I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
