so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
