I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
