tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
