The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
