I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
