everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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