That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
