I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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