woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
