Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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