my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
