A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
