I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize