the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
