I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
