hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
