Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
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