Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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