just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize