Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
