Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
