does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
