I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
We need to get me chipped asap
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
