just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
What drink are we having for lunch?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
