what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
