You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
she peed on how many people?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
oh god was she eating orange peels again
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
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