brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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