They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
