Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize