Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
