is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
