I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
