i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
