dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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