my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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