Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
