apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
