i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
