You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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