JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
did you just send me my own nude
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
