Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
