I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I fill condoms, not promises.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
