'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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