I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
