the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
