Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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