Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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