Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
