if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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