He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
