Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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