I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
