Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
