drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
