All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
