You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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