Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
he was CRYING into my vagina
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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