So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
