You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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