If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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