just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
