Can Purell be used as lube?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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