Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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