I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize