Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
