I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
