This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
