All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
