How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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