so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
