my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
