How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
she told me i tasted like america
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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