HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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