yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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