The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
