My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
