How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
