I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
