carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
