people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Come see our sink grown plant.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
