Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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