Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
