I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
