I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
