I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
