So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
