I got chris browned last night
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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