do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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